How fights start

How Fights Get Started...My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I
>>was flipping channels.
>>She asked, 'What's on TV?'
>>I said,
>>'Dust.'
>>And then the fight started...
>>***************************************
>>My
>>wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in
>>bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
>>"No," she answered.
>>I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
>>She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
>>So I said,
>>"Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>>And then the fight started....
>>************************************
>>Saturday
>>morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped
>>quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded
>>to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I
>>pulled back into the garage, turned on th e radio, and discovered that the
>>weather would be bad all day.
>>I went back into the house, quietly
>>undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now
>>with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."
>>My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my
>>stupid husband is out fishing in that stuff?"
>>And that's how the fight started...
>>************************************
>>I
>>rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and
>>slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you
>>just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I
>>couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
>>He stormed over to my
>>car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
>>So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"
>>And then the fight started...
>>***********************************
>>My wife
>>was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
>>She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
>>I bought her a bathroom scale.
>>And then the fight started...
>>************************************
>>After
>>retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
>>Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to
>>verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
>>home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
>>and come back later.
>>The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I
>>opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver
>>hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social
>>Security application.
>>When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.
>>She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.
>>You might have gotten disability, too.'
>>And then the fight started...
>>************************************
>>My
>>wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept
>>staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
>>table.
>>My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
>>'Yes,' I sighed,
>>'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we
>>split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
>>'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'
>>And then the fight started...
>>************************************
>>I took
>>my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason took my order first.
>>"I'll have the steak, medium rare, please."
>>He said, "Aren't you
>>worried about the mad cow?""
>>Nah, she can order for
>>herself."
>>And then the fight started....
>>***************************************
>>A
>>woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy
>>with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old,
>>fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
>>The husband replied, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
>>And then the fight started.....Version: 8.5.435 / Virus Database:
271.1.1/2690 - Release Date: 02/15/10 19:35:00