Economic Stimulus Payment

"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? "

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money? "

A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? "

A. Only a smidgen.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment? "

A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? "

A. Shut up."

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China .

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India .

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras , and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will go to Japan .

If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan .

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America . You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes,
beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos,
since those are the only businesses still in the US.