Tough life lesson

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting

into bed. Well,

the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,

'I don't feel

like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet

dreads to

hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs

as a woman enough for

me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't

you just love me for

who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I

went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to

spend time with

her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at

a big, big

unnamed department store. I walked around with her while

she tried on

several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't

decide which one

to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She

wanted new shoes to

compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair

for each

outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a

pair of

diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited.

She must have

thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to

think she was

testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she

doesn't even

know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's

fine, honey.' She

was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the

excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I

think this is

all

dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No

honey, I don't

feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with

a baffled,

'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff

for a while.

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a

man enough for me

to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill

me, I added,

'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not

for the things I buy

you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at

least that bitch

knows I'm smarter than her.